Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Embrace the moment...

Ever had someone tell you that it's best to live in the moment. To live in the here and now, forget about the past and don't plan for the future?
Ever had someone tell you this almost every day? I have.

Sure, it makes sense and it sounds easy enough. It sounds like a good plan if you want to better your life. But what if your past has scarred you so much, has altered you into the fearful and broken human being you are? What then.
What if, you try with every little thing you have, you really goddamn truly fucking try to forget the hurt, but it's encripted into your being, into your soul. Your past is who you are today, a fearful and broken human being.
What if, not having some control frightens you half to what's left to die? You've no control with what happens in the future, sure. But you have the power to guide it. It may not always work out the way you want, but you can guide it.
What if, guiding your future into something more appealing than your past, is something you cannot help? Something you must do to keep you here, to keep you sane enough to not be sending you away? To believe you have control at bettering your life, even if deep down you know that in the past, it was the others that broke you, and your future looks much the same. But you try anyway, because it gives you comfort in believing.

Q. Where's your here and now then?
A. It's in the past.

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