Thursday, December 31, 2009

Bad Intentions


Every time I fall or even stumble, I come running back to you.
Just to hear you breathe. Just to remind you that I'm still here.
I wish hardship and misery upon you; and I hope that you missing me is the core to all your hurt.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

AVATAR


So much more than great graphics. There's true meaning which thoroughly touched me and left me feeling both disgusted and thoughtful.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Doormat


Do I have 'doormat' stamped on my head?

I Know You Feel It Too.

Did you feel the tension as you entered the room?
Did you catch our exchanged glances?


Have you realised you interrupted our secret?

Monday, December 28, 2009

Dirty Little Secret(s)

I feel dirty but so clean and rejuvenated.
I feel like I'm being used. I feel like I'm using them.
I fear I'm falling. I know I can't love.
This makes me smile. This makes me cry, as you've seen.
It makes me feel safe. It makes me feel vulnerable.

I have control for once, with something I want no control over.


Spit it out.

Honesty's my policy. Ask me whatever you like http://formspring.me/kaytiemay

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Favourite Regrets

It felt good.
It felt right, but also wrong.
It was wrong, could it also be right?

You enjoyed it the first time, you wouldn't have tried a second otherwise.
But you're also confused. You have another, for a few hours you had two.
Where does this leave me?
Where does this leave you?

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas, I suppose.

Tomorrow I'm going to start my transformation into my new self and it's going to make me happy and you mad.


This time, I hope the change is permanent...





Can it still be Christmas even if it doesn't feel like there's a single joy in the word for me?

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Daisies.

the birds and the daisies think a lot more of the days than you...

...and you're you.

Embrace the moment...

Ever had someone tell you that it's best to live in the moment. To live in the here and now, forget about the past and don't plan for the future?
Ever had someone tell you this almost every day? I have.

Sure, it makes sense and it sounds easy enough. It sounds like a good plan if you want to better your life. But what if your past has scarred you so much, has altered you into the fearful and broken human being you are? What then.
What if, you try with every little thing you have, you really goddamn truly fucking try to forget the hurt, but it's encripted into your being, into your soul. Your past is who you are today, a fearful and broken human being.
What if, not having some control frightens you half to what's left to die? You've no control with what happens in the future, sure. But you have the power to guide it. It may not always work out the way you want, but you can guide it.
What if, guiding your future into something more appealing than your past, is something you cannot help? Something you must do to keep you here, to keep you sane enough to not be sending you away? To believe you have control at bettering your life, even if deep down you know that in the past, it was the others that broke you, and your future looks much the same. But you try anyway, because it gives you comfort in believing.

Q. Where's your here and now then?
A. It's in the past.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

star



New favourite sea species, other than the seahorse. The 'Basket Star'.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Fear

I suppose I do fear the Unknown,
but what could be much worse than all this?

Friday, December 18, 2009

Where's your soul?







I know who I am, I just know no one else knows me too.

I know who I am now, but I don't know who anyone else is; not a single soul.
This isn't enough.

Monday, December 14, 2009

loneliness.

I scare people away, I'm scared I'm unloveable.

I don't blame them though, I freak myself out too.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

truth

I wrote a list of everything I hate about you. It's titled 'Truth'.

Today something dramatic happened.
This is how I described it to my friend.

Me: How are you?
Friend: Tired
Friend: You?
Me: Sooo soo soooooo shit.
Me: But it's great.
Me: You know when you get in a zone, Where everything's fucked to the bone but you know it's the start of a new you and you're excited?
Me: Because you don't give a fuck anymore and you're just gonna be someone you don't know anymore and it's exciting.
Me: And you need a distraction, that's so me right now.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Time.

Time is a healer and a destroyer.
Time makes us wiser and forgetful.
Sometimes we have too much time; other times we don't have enough.
Time makes us smile and it can make us cry.
Happiness comes with time, but so does sadness.
Love grows with time and sometimes it weakens.
Time never stops, but I can often swear that it does.
(Above)I found this collage on Russh Magazine's blog yesterday, I find it interesting.
(Below) Yesterday Kieren and I decided to webcam it up. This was the only half decent photo.
(Above) Someone buy me this book and I promise to love you forever. I'll even read it to you over the phone before bed each night.







Wednesday, December 9, 2009

blogger romancer



It's Wednesday today, which means PAY DAY! Thank goodness. So I rewarded myself for my hard earned paid by purchasing...

Tegan and Sara's Sainthood album.





Sunshine Cleaning.





This movie, I want to read the book.


I also bought lychees, celery and grapes. :)




Although, today actually was a horrible day. I got almost no sleep last night as I was terribly sick. I woke up six times to throw up! Ergh.


I also worked 9 to 6 and was on register all day. This is what I looked like.....









People are so rude around Christmas time. I hate interacting with humans.








Tuesday, December 8, 2009

melan



choly.



will i ever be free?

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Hailie.

Somedays I sit, staring out the window
Watching the world pass me by.
Sometimes I think, there's nothing to live for, I almost break down and cry.
Sometimes I think I'm crazy, I'm crazy oh so crazy, why I am here just wastin' my time?

Sometimes it feels like the world's on my shoulder, everyone's leanin' on me.
People make jokes, cause they don't understand me, they just don't see my real side.
I act like shit don't phase me, inside it drives me crazy, my insecurites could eat me alive.
Eminem, oh he's the man.


There was a brown snake out front of the house today, some man got out of his car and wacked it dead. I'm terrified to leave my house now.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Goodnight Bull Creek


I believe Pepsi Max is far better than Coke Zero. Is it vegan though?
Anyhoo, this picture humoured me.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Kong.

Daul Kim went too young.
Tomorrow, I'm going vegan.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Monster

I want you to want me.


Yeah, so here I go, just exploding the hope we'll be speaking, some day years from now seeking friendship and understanding,
Yeah, I hope you get angry and hurt, and have the hardest of landings.
And I hope your new girl thinks of me when she sees what a number I did on you.
It's must easier to make a monster out of you.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Half Eaten Porridge

But not to worry, I've downed half a block of chocolate, about 10 lollies and a nectarine. Well done miserable, broken up Mary who eats her feelings.

Formal tonight, I'm so excited. I bought my dress yesterday, and it's not in the colour I wanted (I wanted a dark blue to match my eyes and complement my hair), but it's black and grey up top. My shoes are silver. I hope I won't look gothic or anything, but I shouldnt do because I've got an idea for my makeup.
Hopefully I'll be able to get some photos of myself as I've lost my camera charger but myfriend's allowing me to borrow hers.

I dreamt some strange things last night. Ex boyfriends definitely appeared in the dream bubble and it's made my stomach feel all knotted.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Retail

Therapy, was my plan for today.
But of course something had to go wrong. I left my wallet at home.
I found a dress and shoes for formal tomorrow though, michele paid and i'll return the money tomorrow.
I feel so humungous. Breakup has caused me to eat too much chocolate and it's making me breakout. I don't think I'll look as beautiful as I wish to be tomorrow.
Oh well, hopefully it's fun.