Thursday, May 6, 2010

I Won't Live This Long

If I live long enough, I can see myself living in solitude with my dog, a woodfire, a library of books and no contact with the outside world.
If I have a husband we will only speak of important things and we'll make love every day. We'd die together and read the same books. Music would be playing every second of everyday and we'd only sleep at the same time.
We'd only eat when we needed to and we'd share eachother's clothes.

If I don't have a husband, I will never speak a word of anything. I will paint, sit still for hours staring into the fire and leave behind a journal which would be read by the world.

Monday, April 19, 2010

What Is Wrong With Me?

It just hit me how undeniably afraid I am of change.
My father bought me the wrong soy milk and I cried.

What Makes Us, Us?

What shapes us most?
Oh, the huge debate about what makes us, well, us.

Our genetics? We cannot help who we become and who we are because it's enlisted in our DNA.
Our enviroment? How we're brought up, what we see and what we hear.
Or, our experiences? What we experience and what we take out of them and respond with.

I personally think it's a mixture of all three of these. I don't think you can pin-point one exact cause.

Genetics, we're born with things that cannot be helped. These are both physical and mental. You see it families all the time and I was reading an article the other day about a model who's just had children. She used to believe it was your enviorment, now she solely believes it's your genetics because she has observed her children.

Enviroment, we see it all the time. Compare other countries to your own. Religions, way of life, dos and don't are all influenced by how you're brought up.

Experience, now this one's a bit harder for me to explain. It's like with trust. People who are raped or have bad relationships with their fathers (girls particularly), change because of it. Their life changes and it happens in all different ways, there's no denying it.

I don't think there's any enying any of it.

So, can people really 'change'? Or is it genetic or enforced into you and you cannot change, maybe only temporary?

I've been thinking about it recently, can people change? I used to think, yes yes yes! Of course.
But, maybe not? Now I'm reluctant in giving a straight out answer to it. I'm not too sure.

Sorry this is such a sporadic ramble, my head's in a foggy rage right now.


Friday, April 16, 2010

I'm Lacking Thought

And inspiration.
Well, I wouldn't say I'm lacking thoughts, just thoughts I cannot share.
Song lyrics fix everything though.

And there are no barking sparrows
Just emptiness to dwell upon
I fell into a winter slide
And ended up the kind of kid
Who goes down Chutes Too Narrow

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Advice From A Manic

1. Don't pick your nose in your car, people can see you!

2. To avoid looking like a complete spastic, don't talk about things you don't know about. People will think you're just stupid if you do. Anyway, you'll look way cooler if you ask questions about things. Yes, this includes people, sex, coco chanel and life.

3. If you feel strongly about something, and someone else feels strongly about the opposite - avoid this topic. You will argue and you will not change their view on the subject, just like they won't change yours.

4. When there's someone or something in your life causing you stress - eliminate it. And, if you can't because they're family, completely good looking or someone you just have to put up with, then confront them and let them know you think your life would be better if you didn't communicate.

5. If they say they're going to call and they don't, smack those bitches up.

6. Don't worry about what different colours are supposed to mean when giving flowers! Choose what you think they'd like but remember to always check for bugs.

7. Start your own blog. You might be worried that you don't have anything important to say or that no one will want to read it, but honestly, we've all got something important to say and there's always someone who will want to know what you've got to say, yes you! And if not, you can always force your friends to read it, yes force. If you have no friends, I recommend viewing your own blog at least a hundred times a day to maximise your own page views.

8. Use a condom and don't lie about being on the pill. Hell, use two even! The pull out method is not as effective as condoms, and they're not even very effective! No, they're not - ask your doctor.

9. Swearing is not attractive, yes, this applies to males too. In saying this, don't be so uptight about words like 'fuck' and 'cunt', they're just words. However, if they're directed at you in an offensive manner, you can go biserk - otherwise, move on.

10. Although times-they-are-a-changing, something's still remain the same. Like, mystery still remains sexy so don't reveal absolutely everything to anyone. I repeat, to anyone. It's not lying, it's being mysterious. You know what is dead though? Racism and sexism. Yes, that's dead. Neither are cool.

11. Love yourself, especially your body because it's a lot more attractive when people are confident. But not too confident, that disgusts people.

12. Stand up for yourself! You'll feel good about it, earn others respect an get things off your troubled mind.

13. Do what you love and set your priorities straight. Boys, is it really worth watching that sporting match tonight and ignoring your girlfriend again? Same goes to you girls, is it worth spending hours on the phone again in risk of loosing your boyfriend?

14. Shave your legs this winter, girlies!

15. Eat more chocolate. It makes you happy, it tastes good and you deserve it. Besides, if you don't you'll have ten times more tomorrow.

16. Learn to say 'hello' in five different languages.

17. Don't count your friends, just remember their names.

18. Know your favourites things - colour, movie, song, season, holiday - so when asked you can have an answer instead of the boring "Uhh, I don't know".

19. Go out without looking in the mirror, just once.

20. You know what's cool this year? Caring about and saving the enviroment! Do it!

21. Forget about your problems for a bit and ring a troubled friend. They deserve it.

22. Use your manners because manners will never be dead.

23. Money doesn't need to be spent to have a good time.

24. Do something creative. Like an inspiration wall, a painting, photography or writing.

25. Garage sales get rid of your old junk and become someone elses treasures. Plus, you could earn money and you're reusing!

Okay Okay

Yes, I have mental illnesses and yes I take lots of medications.
But, to point this out and use it against me? That's just plain low.
You don't know my story, you don't even know 1/5 of it, so shut your trap because you're just talking out your arse.

For the record readers, I don't think highly of myself, I actually hate myself more than you ever could but watch what you say about it because it's disgusting and pathetic people like you who cause very negative things for others, and not just myself.
You're obviously the one with insecurities being so low like you are, speaking continiously about how I'm this and this and I need this and I'm a mental case (which I am but it's disgusting you point this out so regularly as you have no idea why and it's just completely ignorant and inconsiderate NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU HATE ME!)

And yes, people like me will live alone in this world because people like you have so much stigma attatched to people like me. Which isn't my fault, it's yours.
I actually happen to know some of the most amazing and incomprehensible beings to roam this earth, so shut your gab.

You say I'm too judgemental, when all you do is talk talk talk about everyone else. I'm actually the LEAST judgemental person you'll ever know.
I just hate you because you hate me and you talk shit shit shit and eventually it'll make people hate you. Because I already know soo many people who do, but say they're afraid to say something because you take away important people from them and I'm going to say it, you're intimidating, which is sad. You make people afraid of you. That's so horrible.

"You serious issues in your head, you need stronger pills" saying this is just horrible. I'm unfixable if you must know and it's not my fault AT ALL so you're pathetic saying anything along these lines when you know nothing.
I thought people had learnt at our age, you know, gained enough life experience to know that you shouldn't talk in-depth about things you have no idea about. It's just common sense, but it seems, common sense is not so common.

You say this is a game. Are you having fun? Because this isn't a game to me. Especially when I have to try to decipher your hideous spelling and grammar. It's just plain hard work and tiresome. You just sit with a dictionary besides you, pleaaassseeee.

You just won? That's good for you, so can you please shut your disgusting face and move on? You've left this town, now leave it's people because we have negativity towards you, and I know this for a fact.
Oh, and if you're going to be pathetic and bounce back with 'no one likes you either', I know. :)
Now run along.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

It Really Bugs Me....

- When you read something and you think it's about you, but you're not sure.
- When your best guy mates get a girlfriend who becomes jealous, thus causing you to tone down/or ruin your friendship which is a perfectly friendly relationship with no desires to touch one another's body.
- When boys get whipped.
- When people try to sound smart and make out they're the best at english and read all the time and whatnot, but they're spelling and logic is unbearable.
- When ugly people think they're hot.
- When you're about to die and no one says anything because they're too afraid.
- When fat bitches date my bestfriends.
- That I'm not eighteen.
- That I'm not allowed to move out according to the police and doctors.
- When people only know bits and pieces of who I am, thus leaving a huge unfilled gap of important things.
- When people think they're right, but they're wrong
- When people argue and try to make points, which make absolutely no sense, but they insist they've won.
- That religion has got the best of people.
- That chocolate tastes soo good.
- That we only have one bathroom and I never have a chance to have a bath, only quick showers.
- That I have no desire to do what I used to love doing.
- That my boyfriend has two lives.
- That I've cut off friendships with people and I know they'll never be the same again.
- That I have to keep so many things from people, for their sake.
- That people are oblivious to so many awful things going on.
- That my iPod restored itself.
- That plane tickets are so expensive right now.
- That bad things happen to good people.
- That I can't play an instrument.

Don't Move An Inch

Slow down, Jo
Anybody ever tell you that you move too fast?
Anybody ever tell you how to make a good thing last?
Cuz it aint like that....

It aint by kicking down the walls & pissing off your friends
Every time the cards don't fall your way
It aint by poking out your eyes when you see something you don't like
Even your mama said she don't want to see you spent at 25
So come on, Jo stay alive....

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


There's a little Holden Caulfield in all of us

Monday, April 12, 2010



Always Like This

Oh she can't wait for
What I can give
She knows what I am
But she won't believe me
Is it all ok?

Your Blog Is So Shit

I was reading people's blogs today and my goodness, shut the fuck up.
Why do you have a blog anyway? You drive me insane.

By the way, if you're going to try and sound smart and poetical, can you please learn to spell first?

Sunday, April 11, 2010

I'm Happiest When I Think Of Dying

Death can't be that bad if so many people choose it, can it?

I'm afraid of dying, I'm just more afraid of living and of life.

No Title.

I need to tell my father something but I don't know how so I thought I'd tell my blog instead...

Saturday, April 10, 2010

You Help Things Die

I thought of deleting my last post. It was an impulsive act. It's personal and the idea is full of stigma and negativity. But so what?
It's real. It's what I felt at the time and consistently feel these days. Why should I pretend it's not? Because people will think bad of me? Why? They don't understand, and they know they don't.

We hide away from the truth too much. Horrible things happen to people, innocent people. Believe what you want, but Karma's non existant.
Google suicide. Research malnutrition. Look up slaughterhouses, insane asylums, war, genocides and rape.
It exists. You can believe whatever you like as to why it happens, and I can't make you do something about it, but know. It happens.

No picture is required here, these words say more than any picture could.